This book... has changed my life.
I know there are heaps of self help books out there but this one is 'the bomb'.... well for me anyway.
Some books only deal with one specific problem, others only use one means of change, others are just damn inspiring but this one is a new therapy for changing major life patterns. The authors call these self defeating behaviour patterns "lifetraps" and have identified 11 most common lifetraps, how to recognise them, understand their origins and how to change them.
"A lifetrap is a pattern that starts in childhood and reverberates throughout life. It began with something that was done to us by our families or by other children. We were abandoned, criticized, overprotected, abused, excluded, or deprived - we were damaged in some way. Eventually the lifetrap becomes part of us. Long after we leave the home we grew up in, we continue to create situations in which we are mistreated, ignored, put down, or controlled and in which we fail to reach our most desired goals.
Lifetraps determine how we think, feel, act, and relate to others. They trigger strong feelings such as anger, sadness, and anxiety. Even when we appear to have everything - social status, an ideal marriage, the respect of people close to us, career success - we are often unable to savour life or believe in our accomplishments".
I tell you, when you are rock bottom and stripped bare and you first identify with your lifetrap.... OMG, OMG, OMG......everything falls into place. You finally know who are and why you are who you are....
I think that you have to be defenseless in order to accept your lifetrap... which is very confronting.
I recently threw this book at my husband (literally) and when he identified with his lifetrap, he sat down and wept.
It's rock bottom stuff.
So there you have it... this book and me... onwards and upwards.
I treat that sweet little girl I was, back in my childhood, with such tender love now.
It is a great place to start.
PS. I was ripped off paying $30 for it at a local bookstore. You can get it for $16 through The Book Depository, with free shipping worldwide. It's where I get all my pretty house/design books for next to nothing :)